From the entertainment industry to the gymnastics and MMA world, I'm finally feeling a sense of unity from people of all backgrounds. Although I'd rather feel unity from something positive, I believe the courage given to others to say, "Me too," is a step in the right direction.
And, like others, I am ready to share my story.
A Little Background
My mother and biological father divorced when I was still a baby. Although many don't know it, I also have a brother who is 6 years older than me. It doesn't happen often as a result of divorce, but I stayed with my mother in Arkansas and my brother moved with my biological father to Ohio. We didn't see each other much, and summertime visits stopped by the time I was 8 or 9 years old.
My mother married the man I will always call my father when I was 3 years old. I was lucky, and to this day, I am thankful for everything he has done to help me become the person I am. Meanwhile, my brother was stuck with our biological father who married multiple women over the course of several years, and had countless children.
At some point when I was around 8 or 9 years old, my brother moved to Arkansas to live with us. He was 15 years old and always getting into trouble, and my mother thought we could help change that situation for the better. Unfortunately, my mother was wrong.
As a parent myself, I would have done the same thing, and for that, I will never blame her for what happened next.
Then, the Unthinkable Happened
I don't exactly remember what led to it. I've spent multiple years blocking it out of my memory. But, it happened. My brother began molesting me. I didn't fully understand what was going on, and I didn't want to tell a soul. He was only 15, and I was only 9, and I didn't even know what was going on to be able to tell that it was absolutely wrong.
One time, I vividly remember going on vacation. We stayed in a hotel room where there were two queen-sized beds. My parents slept in one, and my brother and I slept in the other. I remember him telling me to be quiet as I was silently molested with my parents asleep and only feet away.
After a year of living with us in Arkansas, my brother was eventually sent back to Ohio. He kept getting into trouble, and it was clear that my parents were unable to handle him at that point.
When he left, I remember feeling like I could breathe again.
I didn't hear from my brother or my biological father until 2014 when my mother passed away. After years of going through my issues silently, I decided to ask my brother one of the most important questions of my life, "Why?"
His answer, even after all these years? "All brothers and sisters do it." How ridiculous does that sound? Needless to say, I haven't talked to them since that conversation.
Fast Forward to Now
Some may wonder why I'm telling such a personal story. I didn't even open up to my parents about it until my mother was on her death bed, and about 6 months ago - I told my father for the first time.
I spent years feeling worthless, getting myself into bad relationships, and with low self esteem. These feelings elevated to a very unhealthy point when I had my first child. I finally sought counseling and medication for depression and anxiety, and eventually weaned myself off about a year later.
I'm telling you this story, not to get attention, but to continue to help me and others in the healing process. Because of so many others who have taken the brave step to share their stories, I feel like I can actually tell mine, and it's relieving to share it. I feel freer telling you, and I want you to know that you are not alone.
So, if you are a man or woman who has gone through sexual harassment, sexual assault or rape, don't be afraid to stand up and say, "Me, too."
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